acceptance is a small, quiet room.

Monday, September 15, 2014



i was at work today, browsing the internet (one with less work, a rare, joyous monday is so darn hard to come by) when i came across this special piece, and i told myself that if there is anything i'm sharing with anyone this week, it would be this. most of you are almost or, in your twenties, as i am - and this is nothing but a great reminder, if not a tearful one that got me thinking, yes, it got me thinking. sitting here, post-doughnuts and tea, two hours after work, and i am reading it again.

{please note these words are not mine, you can read the original and full post here.}

so if there is one thing you are reading today, let it be this:

―――

Dear Sugar,

I read your column religiously. I’m 22. From what I can tell by your writing, you’re in your early 40s. 
My question is short and sweet: what would you tell your 20-something self if you could talk to her now?

Love,
Seeking Wisdom



Dear Seeking Wisdom,

Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.

You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.

When that really sweet but fucked up gay couple invites you over to their cool apartment to do ecstasy with them, say no.

There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.

One evening you will be rolling around on the wooden floor of your apartment with a man who will tell you he doesn’t have a condom. You will smile in this spunky way that you think is hot and tell him to fuck you anyway. This will be a mistake for which you alone will pay.

Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

One hot afternoon during the era in which you’ve gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus holding the strings of two purple balloons. She’ll offer you one of the balloons, but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.

Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.

When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t “mean anything” because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes.

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.

One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you. Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life. Say thank you.

Yours,
Sugar

―――



you don't have a career, you have a life.

be brave enough to break your own heart.

what you resolve will need to be resolved again.

that kiss in the doorway.

the useless days will add up to something.


just remember :)



sunday shenanigans

Sunday, September 14, 2014


no other day feels like sunday. to be honest i find myself always wishing for an extra hour lurking at the end of the day or so. "do this, do that, don't go to sleep yet, or you'll wake up and it's working days again." i am still figuring it out - to do something that i really love doing that does not involve a nine to five craziness or office politics idiocy. no, not complaining, most of us deal with that, yes? as for now, i'm making a living. that is enough reason to be thankful for so - monday, BRING IT ON. actually, no wait, i kid ;p

here it is, a list of sunday shenanigans. a happy one.

- waking up to a thunderstorm at six in the morning, and listening to the sound of raindrops on the window sills. it rained for hours
- the smell of black coffee that ken sips over breakfast
- my nails, freshly painted in a shade of dark spanish blue and coincidentally, the exact color of one of my bed linen..
- reading my favorite blogs, tons of posts that i missed, now that i'm only browsing and updating my blog around weekend (i mention why, here) i'll try to catch up! :)
- hair curler, for when i'm feeling fancy
- reading reader's digest special edition for their best stories of all time. over and over again
- discovering lissie - how is it possible that i've never heard of her before?!



raw, badass voice, if you ask me.

on repeat.

oh, you might have notice there's a new series on this blog - the happy list. hope you love them as much as i do. spread that happiness, all round, because simple as it may seem, it makes a huge difference when we focus on the bright side
- so, what makes you happy today? :)

enjoy your sunday x



sputnik sweetheart

Friday, September 12, 2014


excerpts from sputnik sweetheart.
―――
“i feel like i've swallowed a cloudy sky”

“sometimes you’re just the sweetest thing. like Christmas, summer vacation, and a brand-new puppy rolled into one.” 

“isn't life strange? there are people who have so many leftover clothes they can't stuff them all in their wardrobe. 
and then there are people like me, whose socks never match.” 

“don't pointless things have a place, too, in this far-from-perfect world? 
remove everything pointless from an imperfect life, and it'd lose even its imperfection.”

“what's really important here," i whispered loudly to myself, "is not the big things other people have thought up, 
but the small things you, yourself have"

“okay, consider this. say you’re going to go on a long journey with someone by car. and the two of you will take turns driving. which type of person would you choose? one who’s a good driver, but inattentive, or an attentive person who’s not such a good driver?” 

――― haruki murakami


i have been reading a lot for the past two weeks. i moved on to a second book after finishing one in just a few days and it feels like such a luxury to be able to read these days. work, social life and everything else demands more time than one can afford, don't you think? it feels like a new-found love all over again and excuse me while i swirl in my dress and disappear to enjoy these days, while it lasts :)

have a happy weekend! x
outfit details // frill front dress & red cardigan from cotton on


relax, it's sunday.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

yummiest cake i've had in a long time, is this caramel cheese toffee cake from a local bakery that ken and i had for our anniversary last month. it was dessert after i whipped up a simple aglio olio pasta for dinner, and we sipped some wine. candles were just for fun, of course :) (i did actually asked if he could sing me a song, but i have got to wait til my birthday for that, apparently) ...


all i can think about this weekend is that cake. no, i joke! haha. all i did was relax, and still taking it easy on things. the headaches are still coming back every now and then and i am getting my glasses by end of this month, so there's that. also means, i might not be posting much throughout september! at work, i am in front of large screen monitors all the time and when i am home, i try to refrain sitting in front of my laptop too, they are making the headaches worse. bummer. i promise i'll munch as much carrot as i can - they'll make my eyes better, yes? :) rabbit mode - on.

but, could not resist sharing a few links for this week's roundup. 


i want a flower wall.

fresh font finds. i love pretty fonts!

obsessed with infinity rings. like this one by susanne elizabeth.

french breakfast donuts. the perfect bite....

have a beautiful weekend, mes amis.

x




for cupcakes and such.

Friday, September 5, 2014


pause, take a deep breath, and just smile. leave your desk, take a walk outside, and look at the clouds. some days are meant to be quiet, some days, minutes feel like hours. some days, everything's a nuisance that it is so terribly difficult to focus on the bright side. this pretty sums up my week, one of day-to-day battle with throbbing headaches. i went to an optometrist today to have my vision tested and yes, i need a pair of glasses. to know what the problem is, is such a relief. weekend is here, and that's another thing to be thankful for, isn't it?

i am also thankful..

for the pain, because it reminds me of the good days, and appreciate them more.
for ken who never fail to make me laugh.
for the pretty french roses' buds that i can soak in a cup of hot water for tea.
for the sound of rain, it's one of my favorite thing in the world.
for the sunshine too, because those clouds look like cotton candies on sunny days.
for pretty lacy undergarments that can make a girl feel lovely. 
for haruki murakami's books. they make me daydream.
for experiences, they always count.
for beautiful, grounded friends.
for my love for change, good change.
for the fact that life - is moving forward.
for morning kisses.
that i am happy.


"god damn it, there are nice things in the world- and i mean nice things. we’re all such morons to get so sidetracked."
— J.D. Salinger, Franny & Zooey


tell me, what are you thankful for today? x